I love the springtime. The weather seems warmer when I am on my walks and the plants, trees and flowers begin to flourish. This first five months have raced by. I have been to many networking events, met with new people, I am now working with and finished off a three year writing project!!
- What have your first five months of 2024 been like?
I find meeting new people really interesting. I like finding out about what they are passionate about and the businesses that they are excited to describe to me. I find myself learning so much from each of the people that I have met so far this year. Some the things I have learnt, I have been able to apply for myself, like being introduced to an online app that is a sustainable business card. Other things, I have learned are peoples career journeys which are fascinating.
As part of any new relationship, as well as existing ones, Trust is an important factor. This is critical in many settings and in particular in leadership roles. It is not just with our people, where we need to build trust, but also with our leader colleagues, stakeholders and clients.
Many people will go through life, naturally building trust and rapport with others. It seems as if they have a sixth sense in being able to make connections and building up strong relationships. There will be many reasons for this and later on in the article we can reflect on four areas that we can consider when establishing trust with people. Please reflect on the folowing question:
- When it comes to building trust, what internal process do you go through?
This may be an interesting question to reflect on, as a lot of times trust happens unconsciously. It is only when we are unsure about something that we begin to ask ourselves some reflective questions and delve into what our intuition may be telling us. For me behaviour is key here. Do the behaviours match what the other person is telling me. When this is the case then I often find a great connection with this person. However it is important to also look at my own role in this relationship. We are now going to look at an equation to help us to reflect on how we can establish trust with other people.
- What has trust got to do with equations?
You may have come across the Trust Equation (Maister, Green, Galford) before. I have used this to allow people and teams to reflect on where they may be when it comes to the topic of Trust. There is an image of the Trust Equation below. When I was studying for my Coaching Supervision qualification, we applied a logical exercise to help us reflect on trust in a different way. I will share this exercise with you today:
Please reflect on your relationships with your colleagues, your leader, your clients and your team. It may be that you want to think about a relationship that you would like to improve. Please pick one relationship for the purpose of the exercise. Hopefully by going through this exercise, you can identify where you may need to work more on the relationship or highlight to yourself the areas that you may need to be more curious about with the other person.
As you think about the relationship you are reflecting on, if you were to rank each of the following areas with a score of between 1-10 (10 being perfect) how would you rank yourself?
Try and do this from the other persons perspective. In other words, If I were to ask them how they would score you, what would they say.
Credibility: How credible are you? (Do you demonstrate expertise and your credentials?)
Reliability: How reliable are you? (Do you do what you say you are going to do?)
Intimacy: How connected are you with the person you are thinking about? (Do you empathise, listen and learn from this person?)
Self-Orientation: Whose agenda are you really on, when it comes to this relationship?
What evidence supports these answers?
There should now be an area coming to mind that may require your attention and action. One to watch out for is self-orientation. If we are too focussed on what we want from the relationship and not on the needs of others, then this can go quite a long way to damaging trust. The good news though, is that we should now have more self-awareness around the areas that we can influence in order to build the relationship that we want to build. My own view is that if there is a maximum score of 30, it is almost impossible to get there. Even if you are completely on the other persons agenda, you may have a fleeting thought of wanting things to go well, so self-orientation may creep in.
The great news is that by reflecting on trust in this way, particularly in relationships you want to work on, then there is a possibility that an idea can emerge that can provide you with an action to take the lead in this relationship. The responsibility of influencing these areas sits with ourselves, especially when it comes to leaders with their people and stakeholders. Consider the areas that you may not have scored a ten and then please reflect on the following questions. It might be that the answers to these reflections hold the key to changing this relationship, if that is what you wish to do.
- How do you demonstrate your knowledge and strengths?
- What do you do to deliver on your promises to this person?
- What do you know about this person?
- What question haven’t you asked yet to the other people in this relationship?
- What does the other person hope to get from your relationship with them?
Trust is a common denominator in all great relationships and with all great teams and is a common topic for coaching discussions. If this is an issue that concerns you with your relationship with one person or even a team of people, then coaching support can help. For me, trust is the foundation of any great relationship with people. If, for whatever reason, there is a relationship we are concerned about then review the equation and the reflective questions. Hopefully this can provide the key to unlocking the potential in the connection we have with others.
I mentioned at the beginning of the article that I have just finished a three year writing project. My Book “A Coaching Approach To Leadership” has been published and is available on Amazon. You can download some of the content from my website pocas.co.uk for free. You will probably be able to download the Kindle unlimited version for free also.
The book is aimed at leaders and people who are new into coaching. It can support leaders who wish to enhance their coaching approaches with the people that they are working with. I have attempted to help with the practical application of the topics I have written about along with some reflective questions to help support your own ideas on the themes that occur. I believe people can create brilliant ideas for themselves, if given the chance to do so. My aim is for this book to help the reader do that. Please share with anyone you feel may benefit.